Student Stories

The Kids From Hill Middle School

The group was encouraged to become very quiet and invite the horses back in. By picturing an energy field of color around the horses and then by energetically pulling the colored air surrounding the horses back towards our group, we might communicate our message of welcome to the horses. Additionally, I suggested that instead of having an agenda to pet the horses we might quietly say “wouldn’t it be nice if those horses came over to visit us.’ Within minutes all three horses come back from the field and stood in front of the group. One by one they dropped their giant heads over the fence and allowed themselves to be gently stroked.

As we groomed the horses I asked the teens to think about how they could take care of themselves in the same way they were caring for the horses. Although most had never been near a horse, I noticed how natural they all seemed to be around the horses. I spoke to a good friend about this and she suggested perhaps the old Vaquero blood is still very much alive in their Latino bodies. It certainly seemed that way to me.

My favorite photo from the day is of a young 14-year-old boy whose parents are in jail for gang related crimes. Jessie confessed earlier in the day that he thought horses were stupid and mean. In the photo taken right before the end of class, he has both arms wrapped around my horse Sage’s neck. The smile on his face puts one in my heart every time I look at the picture.

We all took a hayride at the end of the day, courtesy of the ranch owner, Gary Thornton. Gary stood next to the metal tractor seat shifting the gears, letting all who wished take a turn at the wheel. The kids navigated the big green tractor across a field of gold stopping once only so everyone could pile out and pet Feline, Gary’s favorite dairy cow.

The following two stories are from the Horse Sense for Teens™ public programs. These coaching sessions describe two teen participants making declarations that centered on creating different choices to reoccurring and unsatisfying situations in their lives..

Sage, Angel, Shiloh, Toyota and Guinness are waiting at the gate as they do so many mornings…although the grass is in and they are entitled to every luscious mouthful they can harvest in the 35 acre field below, the ‘Fab Five’ as I call them always seem to know when they are needed to go to work, and they stand ever patient for their cue.

Today six teenage boys and girls arrive to take part to challenge themselves to explore in new ways of creating self-awareness and leadership skills. I begin the morning with a leadership exercise. Each student chooses a horse they wish to partner with. They will stand next to their horse partner and make a declarative statement of the changes they are calling into their lives.

A thirteen-year-old freckled face beauty named Carly selects a beautiful sorrel mustang named Sage, and volunteers to go first. I ask Carly what improvements she’d like to make in her life. Without hesitation she states that quite often she feels overlooked and taken for granted by friends. Carly often experiences overwhelming self-doubt, although she is obviously very bright and a good student in school. As the rest of the group watches from the sidelines, I instruct Carly to lead Sage into the center of the arena. I then ask her to state out loud a declaration that addresses the issues she wants to change. In a soft, timid voice she begins to speak. Sage, who is standing quietly at her right side, suddenly walks directly in front of Carly and stops. Carly keeps right on talking, seemingly oblivious to what had just happened.

When she finished speaking I asked her to comment on Sage’s behavior. She thought for a moment before answering. “She walked in front of me like I wasn’t ever there.” she blurted out. “That’s just how I feel with my friends when I’m talking and they interrupt me, or change the subject and completely overlook what I’m saying,” she continued. “That’s a great observation,” I said. ” Let me ask you something Carly, what did you do when Sage walked in front of you?” She thought for a moment and then replied, “Nothing.”

“Carly,” I said softly, “Consider that Sage is trying to help you by showing you the need to take responsibility for how you allow yourself to be treated. Sage is picking up your body language and energy and responding to it, that’s all. We’ve all heard the old saying, “actions speak louder than words.” We teach others how to treat us in our relationships, not only by what we say, but also by what we do. If someone treats you in a way that you don’t like, and you do nothing about it, how does that person know that it’s not okay to continue behaving that way? Can you help Sage learn how to treat you better by correcting her behavior and making your declaration again?” I asked. “Remember to feel your commitment to yourself, and to your intention as you speak. “ Carly repeats the exercise with renewed self-awareness, clear eyes, and a voice that is both strong and steadfast. This time Sage stands stone still at Carly’s side. Carly’s beautiful freckled face is beaming with pride.

Sage has performed this particular exercise on many occasions for this exercise and I have never seen her do what she did with Carly. If I sound surprised, let me assure you I am not. I learned a long time ago that horses are mirrors to our energy systems. They are incredibly honest and always in complete integrity in how they behave and feel. Horses will always tell the whole story about what we really think or feel because they are masters at reading our body language. When Carly declared her intentions the first time, her eyes were fixed on the dirt floor; her shoulders drooped down and forward her voice barley audible. Her words were pleading, “see me” while her body language screamed “ignore me.” When Carly’s energy was in alignment with her request, Sage cooperated. With Sage’s help Carly got to see first hand what she was creating in all her relationships and more importantly what she had the power to change.

Bill also has a big life lesson in store for him this morning. I ask Bill to choose a horse. He selects a big bay thoroughbred horse named Shiloh.

Bill is 18 years old, and works as a manager at a fast food restaurant. He is much younger than many of those he supervises. Although he tries to enforce the work rules and regulations in a fair way, Bill admits that he has a hard time standing his ground if challenged. “I really want to get along with everybody, but I also want to do a good job for my company,” he said. I ask him to lead Shiloh out into the arena and make his declaration. The minute Bill starts to speak, Shiloh begins nibbling on his jacket. Next Shiloh pushes into Bill’s arm with his nose. Like Carly, Bill keeps right on talking, occasionally telling Shiloh to “quit that,” while simultaneously petting him on the nose. When Bill finished the exercise, he gave the group some feedback about his experience. “Shiloh wasn’t listening at all, even when I told him to quit biting me,” Bill complained. I agreed, and then asked, “ Did you notice that you gave Shiloh a mixed message by asking him to stop a bad behavior while at the same time rewarding him for it?

Shiloh was looking for clear direction from you. Leadership requires giving a clear command with your voice and your actions. Since Shiloh never got that from you, he ignored you and did what he wanted to do.

Is it possible that because you want to be both liked and respected at work, this same “mixed message” is getting sent to your employees?” The answer was obvious… it was all over Bill’s astonished face.

Unlike the horse, what humans say and then do is often unconscious, inauthentic, and out of integrity. With horses as a mirror to this inconsistency, we get to see our distorted reflection very quickly and very clearly, as was the case with both Carly and Bill. As such we are gifted with the opportunity to “right” ourselves, and alter our experiences greatly. I truly love these moments with my students. I often ask myself how I got so lucky to facilitate these wonderful opportunities for growth.